FlowersBecomeScreens

And I didn't even have to say anything

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:56:43 GMT

My friend mentioned in the last post called me today in a panic because she sent in her deposit for Cornell and is now having second thoughts. Maybe she's realizing that 76k is a bit too much, even for the Ivy League name recognition. I hope no one was looking at me while I was in the car talking to her, because I kept making 'THANK GOD! THANK GOD SHE FIGURED IT OUT!' faces.

Also saw a funny sign in a store window while walking to the train station over the weekend, one I desperately want to buy and put next to the toilet for my roommate to see.

slight rant

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:47:50 GMT

How do you tell someone you love dearly that they may not be making a great decision...without looking like you want to rain on their parade? One of my best friends recently decided she wanted to return to school to get an MBA and go into the hospitality business. All great and wonderful. I need to do a little background on her for you, though.

She is one of those people who vacillates back and forth between everything - men, careers, aspirations, goals, etc. From week to week and month to month she has a different master plan. Based on that, I have started to take what she says with a grain of salt, if you know what I mean. It's a case of if she follows through, you're pleasantly surprised, and if she doesn't, you aren't really surprised at all. This has been going on for at least the last three years, so it isn't a one-time deal.

She's incredibly charismatic and very intelligent. It also sometimes seems like she has a split personality. There is the girl I know - the goofy, smart, slightly geeky person - and the girl she displays to the rest of the world. I'm not very fond of that other girl. She does wild and crazy and unnecessary things to impress/dismay other people. I don't really understand why she needs to be that way. However, I've accepted it and have long since given up commenting upon the doings of that other girl. She's her own person, I am neither her mother nor her therapist, and if that's how she chooses to act, that's her business.

Now, back to the dilemma. After 6 years in college to get a bachelor's in Anthropology (after 1 school transfer and about 6 major changes), she has spent the last year or two floating from job to job, scheme to scheme, without anything definite. The decision to pursue business isn't a surprising one since she has always been interested in entrepreneurship, event planning, and working with people in locations all over the world. That I applaud because it seems like she is finally figuring out what she truly wants.

She went ahead and started applying to schools. She set the bar high, as she should have, and got some great results. She got accepted into both Cornell and UNLV. They are the #1 and #2 programs in the country, respectively, for the area she wants to go into. Both great options, right?

The breakdown is like this. Cornell is the #1 program and has the Ivy League name recognition. It also costs $75,000 for ONE YEAR and involves a significant amount of time spent in Singapore. UNLV is the #2 program, is located in Vegas (a place that she likes A LOT, to the point that she has talked on multiple occasions about moving out there), and offered her a resident assistant coordinator job because she was an RA for 2 years at her previous school. That would knock off a lot of the cost, and since she has been a bartender for almost 5 years now, she would definitely be able to find a decently paying job in Vegas.

One more important tidbit about this girl. To her, if it's not New York City, North Jersey, Vegas, or some exotic island, it's really not worth her time. She is a party person and can't stand being in places that aren't fast paced and upscale. Put it this way - she hated University of Maryland when she went there, which is not rural and is close to Washington, D.C. (I visited and thought it was fine, if a little big). She also hated ROME, of all places. Yes. Rome, Italy. It wasn't good enough for her.

What program has she chosen? Yup, Cornell.

Ithaca and Singapore. For a girl who hates out-of-the-way places and tends to behave badly. Not to mention a girl who is lucky if she has 75 dollars lying around, let alone $75,000. I know there is a lot of value in saying 'I went to Cornell' or 'My MBA is from Cornell', but is this really a great time to put yourself in that much debt? And yes, Singapore counts as international travel and I'm sure it will be great, but does she realize that in a country as strict as that, she can't get too crazy?

Am I just really cynical? Or is she making a bad choice?

Yeah Stains!

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:11:59 GMT

Do you guys remember Stains, the cupcake-deprived dog from the video I posted a while ago? Well, he was just declared Entertainer of the Year on The Soup Awards and appeared on the show - and they gave him a plate of cupcakes to eat! Yay Stains!

(Yes, that absolutely necessitated a post.)

Facebook is masochistic!

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 11:54:16 GMT

Ok, sometimes I really can't handle Facebook! It's this evil stalking vehicle through which I find out that everyone I went to HS with is married and having babies. Just now I saw through a comment on another friend's wall that a girl that used to constantly get mistaken for me (and vice versa) is married and preggers. Let's just say I wouldn't want her for a mother, knowing her history. I guess it's not really fair of me to judge; maybe she's gotten herself cleaned up. But really? I just can't even express why this drives me insane.

People, we are only 25! Is education/career not cool anymore? Or is my attitude of 'I can do that later' going to leave me a spinster? (P.S. I'd be a bitchin' spinster - I'd have dogs instead of children.)

I could go on, but I'm supposed to be getting ready for work, not ranting on here.

This is hilarious

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:43:11 GMT

I laughed just as hard at this as I did at poor Stains the cupcake-deprived dog. I guarantee that this is what my future children will be like.

High School Meme

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 00:19:09 GMT

As usual, I nicked this from someone else. :-D

.o1 Did you date someone from your school? Yes, 2 guys. One I'm still friends with and the other dicked me over for my (at the time) best friend and now they're getting married, this Saturday (Valentine's Day), I believe. Doesn't that make you want to puke? (I'm over it, I swear)

.o2 Did you marry someone from your high school? No, and it is highly unlikely that I ever will.

.o3 Did you car pool to school? Yes, because my school was built when the population of my town was 1/4 of what it was when I was there, so, even with ONLY the seniors allowed to drive to school, we STILL had to go three to a parking spot. Until we figured out how to scan & duplicate the parking passes, anyhow. Then it was first come, first serve, and everyone else parked in the rec center across the street.

.o4 What kind of car did you have? First I had a Dodge Spirit that nearly killed me like 18 times because everything kept breaking at inopportune moments, like, say, in the middle of an intersection. I got a Nissan Altima once the Spirit (nicknamed the Old Grey Mare - don't ask) finally kicked the bucket.

.o5 What kind of car do you have now? Still that same Nissan Altima.

.o6 It was Friday night...where were you then? The mall, movies, Applebee's, or at someone's house doing god knows what.

.o7 It is Friday night...where are you now? home or out with the coolest bitches in Philly

.o8 What kind of job did you have in high school? I was a goalkeeper trainer (taught younger soccer players the fine art of flinging your body in front of speeding black and white projectile spheres) and babysitter.

.o9 What kind of job do you do now? Occupational therapist in training in Central Bucks school district, resident aide at a mental health facility, freelancer

.1o Were you considered a flirt? a few people might say yes, but for the most part, no.

.11 Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? no, no, and no. I gave up playing instruments in 7th grade and am not a good singer.

.12 Were you a nerd? I was and still am a nerd, but in high school, I was more the scholar-athlete type. The athleticism somehow made up for my high dork factor.

.13 Did you get suspended or expelled? nope

.14 Can you sing the fight song? We didn't have one.

.15 Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? There are a few. Mr. Lanz, my history teacher and track coach, was one of the most intelligent, quirky people I ever knew and had a great sense of humor. Ms. Sobeck, creative writing teacher. Mr. Nuccio was the one who introduced me to philosophy for which I am endlessly thankful. Mr. Scheiner, my AP English teacher, who taught me how to say exactly what I needed to say when I wrote without any excess bullshit, for which I am also endlessly thankful. Plus, he was hot. LoL

.16 Where did you sit during lunch? My gigantic group claimed our own table in the cafeteria.

.17 When did you graduate? 2002

.18 What was your school mascot? We were the Braves. Our mascot was a Lenni Lenape Native American warrior. As an athlete, I was a LADY Brave, lol.

.19 If you could go back and do it again, would you? Absolutely not. I didn't hate high school, but I would never want to repeat it. You have no freedom!

.2o Did you have fun at Prom? What was the song? I don't remember the song for either junior or senior prom, but I think one of them might have been 'Here's to the Night' by Eve6. Junior prom was fun. Senior prom was not, because I was very sick, was in the midst of the drama mentioned in #1, and there were wildfires going on which significantly impacted post-prom activities.

.21 Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Considering I did not have a date to either prom, yes, I still talk to myself, hehe.

.22 Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Maybe. The crazies at my school decided a 5 year reunion was necessary and I skipped that. Five years was not long enough for me to want to see some of those people yet, haha! I might go to the 10 year, though, just out of curiosity.

.23 Do you still talk to people from school? yes, about 15-20 people in total. (considering my graduating class was 500, that is not a lot)

.24 What are/were your school's colors? Predominantly red and white, sometimes accented with navy. I played so many sports that I've only just started to like the color red again. :P

YES!

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:05:08 GMT

My friend agreed to change the date of her birthday party so now I can go see Above & Beyond in DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAPTURE!

Major dilemma

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 02:22:23 GMT

I desperately want to go see Above & Beyond (trance DJs) in Washington, DC on Feb. 21. The only problem is, a friend of mine already requested to use my place in Philly as a planning/launching ground for her birthday party that night. I said yes before I knew about the show. But these guys are based in Europe and people in the USA don't like trance music, so the odds of me getting to see them on American soil anytime soon after this show has passed....are very low. The odds of me getting to see them EVER after this are low! ARGH. I didn't go to see Sasha (of Sasha & Digweed) on New Year's because I had no one to go with and I also passed up Tiesto at one point because of a scheduling conflict...I'M TIRED OF MISSING THE BEST DJS! *throws a tantrum*

*Moans* What do I do?

Poetry

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:24:51 GMT

A few people have posted poems lately, and it inspired me to write a few of my own. Today's snow was the perfect mood-setter.

White

I watch a snowflake softly fall

The storm’s fragile afterthought

And I wonder

Is the atmosphere spooning sugar

Into the bitter drink of the world?

Radiator

Like a sentinel you stand

Moored

Clicking, hissing, clanking

Protesting your man-made fever

Until you burn dry

And lose your fight to this cold night.

Critical Thinking

I could rhyme

Like some clever writers do

I could converse all in verse

To please and even vex you

I could find a far off slant

For the words that do refuse

I could even be conceiving

A clever little ruse

Of words that sound like poetry

But are so trivial to me

And you will try in vain

To endlessly ascertain

The meaning of meaningless.

They #1

They say

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

I say

How can you lose something you’ve never bet?

Man

I’m made of your rib

And so I fit against your heart

To shelter or reveal it.

Another good one

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 21:50:05 GMT

Why is there a giant space under here? The world may never know. Anyone want to smoke hookah with me now?

EDIT: Well, there was a giant space but it has mysteriously disappeared. The hookah offer still stands.

you can tell me I'm weird

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:12:54 GMT

For reasons unknown, I'm slipping back into my ambient/electronic middle eastern music phase. It's been about two years. I'm having an eargasm listening to the cds that have been stashed on my shelf all that time.

This is 'Trigana' by Kabul Workshop. Muse food, pure and simple.

03 Trigana

Snow Day!

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:41:47 GMT

No fieldwork today, as the school district is closed!!! Yay. It was nice to sleep in a bit. I should probably go out and shovel at some point, but I'm not feeling too much motivation on that front.

Anyhow, I got an e-mail from a guy on a dating site that basically said this: "Wow, you wrote a lot in your profile. To be honest I didn't read any of it, but would you want to talk or meet up sometime?"

-_-

No, I would NOT, since you can't even be bothered to read what I spent the time to write! *huffs*

Well, a few posts ago I ranted about that guy I was seeing that asked my friend out while at MY birthday party. To update that situation, my friend went on three dates with him. Things were fine until the third. On the third, he took her to some really fancy restaurant, the kind that people propose in (no he didn't propose). First he was all concerned that she took some of her food to go and kept pestering her about whether or not she liked it and apologizing for picking a bad restaurant, when in fact the food was fine and she just couldn't eat everything they had served her. Then, after hanging out with him for a while, she told him she had to go (this was around 1 am, so reasonable). He got all agitated and was like 'I'd really like you to stay.' Which, okay, third date, this isn't that bizarre of a request and he obviously likes her a lot. However, my friend either was not ready to stay over and do whatever goes along with that or really just couldn't stay (she didn't delineate which). She let him down gently and went home, but not before he asked her to do something else (I forget what exactly, maybe some museum or ice skating or something) the next day. She warned him that she had family coming over and didn't think she'd be able to, but told him she would let him know the next day. So the next day, she can't escape her family gathering, so she texts him 'Sorry, I can't hang out tonight.' Well, he did NOT take that well! He texted her back 'I'm sorry, maybe someday we can be friends' and hasn't contacted her since!!! Holy dramatic, Batman. She was like 'WTF?' So, either he really didn't react well to being turned down (christ, boy, it's only the 3rd date, keep it in your pants!) or he was somehow grievously insulted that she woudln't ditch her family for him when she had already specifically warned him that she didn't think she would be able to get out of it. She and I both had our share of mystified chuckles over it. Now we're waiting to see if he starts messaging/calling me again, and if he does, you can bet I'll be hosting a suggestion post for what I should do to/tell him if he thinks he can get back in my good graces after this whole fiasco. BOYS!

this made my day

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:17:26 GMT

I was in a bad mood before, but this video changed that. I laughed so hard I cried.

The Big Reveal

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:15:19 GMT

I think you guys have guessed all that you reasonably could on my 15 songs, though I am still surprised no one got #13. Here are the answers and little bit about each song. :D

EDIT: Sorry about the obnoxiously uncooperative music playlist.

1. Can't Sleep (Signum Remix) - Above & Beyond: A beautiful song, and it perfectly captures the feeling of still loving someone even though you can't stand them.

2. The Heinrich Maneuver - Interpol: Not much to say, just an all around good rock song.

3. Sullen Girl - Fiona Apple: I love Fiona Apple and wish she didn't go sort of nuts, lol (though she still puts out good music). Tidal is probably one of the best albums in the universe.

4. Wonderwall - Oasis: I won't lie, I get a little verklempt whenever I hear this, because it makes me think of Charlie Pace.

5. Merry Happy - Kate Nash: One of those songs that sticks in your head but you don't resent for doing so.

6. Drunken Lullabies - Flogging Molly: An unofficial St. Patrick's Day anthem. Goes well with green feather boas, cheap bead necklaces, green beer, Boondock Saints, delirium tremens...

7. Alfie - Lily Allen: Does anyone else find it amusing that her brother, who this song is about, is now the lead in Equus?

8. The Girl You Lost to Cocaine (Stonebridge mix) - Sia: Sia's brilliant. She has this great, unique voice and is so soulful. Listen closely to the lyrics.

9. Martyr - Depeche Mode: When I need to get my goth on, Depeche Mode is always a good place to start.

10. Vow - Garbage: Basically, the best revenge song EVAR.

11. Ooh La La - Goldfrapp: I would do a burlesque routine to this song, no joke. (that, or to Gold Lion by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

12. Say Aha - Santogold: A lot of people compare Santogold to M.I.A., but I think there is no comparison. Santogold is better by leaps and bounds. I love her album.

13. Poker Face - Lady GaGa: How did you guys not get this one? It's the only one that's anywhere near the current Top 40, lol.

14. Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash: I think you're pretty much inhuman if you don't like Johnny Cash.

15. Distractions - Zero 7: Sia is singing on this song, too. I always wanted to slow dance to this song with someone I was falling in love with. Hasn't happened yet, but I have time. :D

Nobody will get the most of these, but it's a fun meme

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:50:44 GMT

Ganked from redheadfaerie again. She's cool like that.

* Step 1: Put your playlist on random.
* Step 2: Post the first line from the first 15 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
* Step 3: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

1. 4:30 am, I'm awake again...singing to the dark through open eyes
~~2. How are things on the West Coast?~~
3. Days like this I don't know what to do with myself, all day and all night
~~4. Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you~~
5. Watching me like you never watched no one, don't tell me that you didn't try to check out my bum
6. Must it take a life for hateful eyes to glisten once again
~~7. Ohhhh, oh dearie me, my little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed~~
8. I've stuck around through thick and through thin
9. I've been a martyr for love and I will die in the flames
10. I can't use what I can't abuse
~~11. Dial up my number now, weaving it through the wire~~
12. Louder than they allow, say Aha!
13. I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas please
~~14. Love is a burning flame and it makes a fiery ring~~
15. I fancy a big house, 2 kids, and a horse

Guess away my pretties. :)

doing memes instead of treatment planning

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:23:00 GMT

Pinched from redheadfaerie .

1. What are your nicknames?

They are many, some old, some new. Old ones include: Ange, Smiley, and Psycho Barbie (don't ask). New ones include: Andreaus, Stavrosina, Twinkle Tits, and Spilly McGee.

2. What's your favorite holiday?

It's a toss up between Halloween and Greek Easter.

3. What's new in your life right now?

A long and boring commute, actually sort of enjoying being an OT in a school district, and trying to recover from the plague.

4. Where was the last Starbucks that you visited?

I rarely visit Starbucks, as I'm not a big coffee drinker. I like their iced teas in the summer, though. The last time I went was probably in August at the Limerick outlets.

5. Are you introverted or extroverted?

Mostly extroverted, though I have my moments of introversion.

6. What books are you currently reading?

Nothing that isn't OT related, unfortunately... *sigh*

7. What celebrity do you have a crush on?

Jason Isaacs, Ewan McGregor

8. What brand of TV do you have?

Sony - my uncle works for them so we get everything cheap

9. How many songs do you have on your iPod?

Around 600.

10. First three things you do right after you get up?

Go to the bathroom, shower, brush my teeth

11. You go out with friends to get some ice-cream. How many scoops and what flavors do you order?

Depends where we go. If it's Cold Stone, birthday cake remix with gummi bears. If it's anywhere else, it'll probably be vanilla with sprinkles if it's soft ice cream and anything involving peanut butter if it's hard ice cream.

12. What do you love to wear?

Flip flops, ballet flats, retro cardigans or dresses, oversized hoodies

13. When people guess your age, do they usually think you're older, younger or get it right?

I get both. When I'm with little kids, people always think I'm in my 30s and the kids are mine (and this happened when I was as young as 16!!!). Other times, for whatever reason, people think I'm around 19.
</lj>

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 02:02:28 GMT

I am having no luck today. I tried to post a few quizzes/memes and they aren't coming out right. Maybe it's Firefox or something. But in case you were wondering, I'm a Slytherclaw and my sexuality is British.

I caught a cold and I'm not happy about it. I sanitized my little heart out at fieldwork the last two weeks. It must have been airborne - nothing I can do about that. I always get sick in January anyway.

Of course I have to work at the mental health place tomorrow (one of my part time jobs). It isn't bad and I will be able to relax, but all of the residents smoke like chimneys and that will not be pleasant for the cold. The office is also drafty as hell and with it being the coldest few days of the year (it's 8 F, or -13 C, with wind chills as low as -2 F, or -19 C - and there are plenty of places that are much colder!), I will be freezing my butt off. Tomorrow will be a day where it is difficult for me to resist taking my patients' medications, lol!!!

I should probably go up the street to the Rite Aid while it is still open so I can get some cold meds. But the thought of walking up the hill when it is EIGHT degrees outside is pretty much killing that and there's no way I'm losing my parking spot because it's the one of the two that are directly in front of my house. City living...

I should go to bed. I probably will after What Not to Wear. Incidentally, I really want to nominate my supervisor for the show. Her clothes are godawful. Are you ready to scream? I'll describe some of her offenses. Tapered pants that are too short. Sweats or yoga pants trying unsuccessfully to look like dress pants. Zip up holiday sweaters with faux fur at the cuffs and collar. A color palette that includes white, black, grey, brown, and olive green. Snore. Seriously, I feel way overdressed when I'm with her. Her outfit today: button down lumberjack flannel (appropriate for the temperature, but not much else), black too-short tapered pants (, crocs. My outfit today: purple v-neck sweater, grey dress pants, sparkly black flats. Why has she given up?! She's only 38.

Don't give up, people! Looking good makes you feel good and when you feel good you look even better, no matter what size or shape you are. As they say, dress the body you have, not the body you want!

Over and out.

boredom = memes & quizzes

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:23:39 GMT

Stolen from zauza , who stole it from la_belle_ange .

Ten things you’d know about me if you knew me really well

1. I think weather is really cool and secretly want to be a meteorologist
2. I have a large, crazy family that I will someday write a book about
3. I'm a pacifist at heart
4. I understand philosophy and really like it
5. I hate fractions. Seriously. They're evil.
6. I'm a huge geek/nerd/dork - whatever you want to call it
7. I'm a dog person
8. I'm afraid of being on a horse (not the horse itself, I can look at them and pet them but you will never get me on one)
9. I used to play soccer and was very good at it
10. I have dissected a human body

Nine of my worst qualities

1. I procrastinate
2. I sometimes give people advice when they don't want it
3. I restrain my emotions at times because I don't want to look stupid or weak
4. I find going to the gym incredibly boring
5. I am not afraid of confrontation (the verbal kind)
6. I bite my nails
7. I am a bit too sarcastic
8. I forget to call people back
9. I can't stand when people waste my time

Eight movies that I could never get tired of

1. The Shawshank Redemption
2. Joyeux Noel
3. Anchorman
4. Sense and Sensibility
5. Love Actually
6. The Illusionist
7. Any of the Lord of the Rings movies
8. Gladiator

Seven best days of my life

1. The day I finish grad school
2. The day I purchased something at Loius Vuitton IN PARIS (I felt like I'd made it - how short-lived THAT was, lol.)
3. Prague
4. Pompeii
5. The Perfect Storm aka my 23rd birthday
6. The day I finally saw Radiohead live (wish I hadn't been too poor to afford anything but lawn seats!)
7. The respective birthdays of all my nieces and nephews (Kyria, JP, Devin, Nicholas, Christopher)

Six things I’m known to collect

1. Unique wine/beer bottles
2. Foreign currency
3. Ticket stubs for the scrapbook(s) I will never make
4. Ballet flats
5. Anything star-shaped
6. Really random family possessions that no one else ever noticed or wanted

Five things that are always with me

1. lip gloss of some kind
2. gum or a mint
3. water
4. cell phone
5. sunglasses

Four places you could find me if I was missing

1. Prague
2. A beach somewhere
3. Wawa
4. Newport, Rhode Island

Three wishes I want to make

1. To find my other half
2. To be successful as a published author someday
3. To eventually be able to see and do most of the things I dream of
(Do I sound like a terrible person for not saying world peace?)

Two names I’d give my future children
1. Penelope
2. I have no idea.

One thing I’m really good at

1. Writing (duh)

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:07:09 GMT

Ok, I have to partially rescind my last disgruntled entry. I went shopping at another store today, a store in which I never buy bottoms because they don't fit...and in light of my difficulty with everything being too big at Gap, I decided to experimentally try the pants that are always too small. They fit.

I guess it is me. I don't know how I could possibly have managed to LOSE weight over the holidays, but I suppose anything is possible.

Vanity sizing is still dumb, though.

VANITY SIZING

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:20:31 GMT

You know what sucks? (...did I start my last entry with that, too?)

When a store that you previously loved and could always find things at feels the need to change their sizing, so that NOTHING fits you right anymore. Everything I would have worn before is now too big. I'm not foolish enough to think it's because I've lost that much weight. The holidays just passed and they aren't exactly known for promoting the LOSS of weight. The natural solution is to go down a size, but of course, that doesn't fit right either. I could wear it, because I can get them closed/zipped without pinching any vital organs, but they are either too short, a bit too tight in the waist, pulling across the crotch, or ten feet up my butt. I am well and truly 'between' their fake sizes. I would rather be the bigger one if it meant that it FIT RIGHT.

Vanity sizing is stupid. I don't feel better about myself because the number that is assigned to describe the dimensions of my lower half is 2 counts less. I feel worse because society finds it necessary to try to make me feel better about myself by attempting to fool me into believing that I AM smaller. Newsflash, society, I like my body and size is just an arbitrary number! Get over it. UGH.

IF IT ISN'T BROKEN, DON'T FIX IT. Do you hear that, Gap?

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 08:17:08 GMT

I will repeat this mantra:

I am the bigger person and do not need to have the last word.
I am the bigger person and do not need to have the last word.
I am the bigger person and do not need to have the last word.
I am the bigger person and do not need to have the last word.
I am the bigger person and do not need to have the last word.
I am the bigger person and do not need to have the last word.

But I really fucking want it.

Ok, so I had a party on my birthday. I invited this guy I had gone on a few dates with. I actually hesitated to invite him, thinking that most of my male friends were not coming and he would be surrounded by girls, many of whom are more attractive than me. I even said to myself 'this guy is absolutely X's type' (X in reference to one of my best friends). But then I just figured i was being silly, and why would he ask me on dates if he wasn't attracted to me and was looking for something different? So I invited him, he came, we partied, all was fun.

When we went out dancing, I was standing in line with two of my other friends. We then decided to go to a different club and got out of line. I noticed that X and the boy were walking arm in arm ahead of us. I shrugged it off as something friendly because I know X would not move in on my guy.

Then, at the end of the night, we all had to drunkenly get cabs back to our respective homes. I dove in the first one we found and whoever was with me got in with me. The boy was not one of these people. I later discovered that he cabbed with X and during said cab ride, got her phone number and asked if she wanted to hang out the next day.

X said yes, because X did not know that I had been seeing this guy.

It was an honest mistake, and I held my tongue, not wanting to make it weird. This guy is ok, I had fun with him, but I could never get a good read on how he really felt about me and he never tried to kiss me at all. I'm used to men who want to propose marriage to me after the first date - no joke. That's how my last few boyfriends have been. So, an ambiguous, unreadable guy who doesn't make any move to kiss me...I think I knew that he wasn't really all that interested.

Truth be told, I felt no major spark towards him, either. I think we could be friends. At least, we could have been until he was brazen enough to ask my best friend out at MY BIRTHDAY when we had not really in any way declared that our brief courtship was ended.

So, long story short, I finally told X that I had been dating him. She offered to cancel her date, but I told her no, because I don't want to stand in the way of anyone's potential love connection and it was obvious that he and I were not meant to be.

Now they have gone on a date. X admitted to me that they kissed. I'm happy for her, but it's sort of a knife in the gut. He wouldn't even pretend to want to kiss me when we went out (and if he didn't want to, WHY ASK ME OUT A 2ND AND 3RD TIME??). One date with her and they're making out in his apartment. It makes me feel like I was just some kind of convenient springboard to meet other women.

I am not angry at my friend. She has said that she will drop him in a heartbeat if that's what I want. She told me I am more important to her than any dumb guy and I believe her. I don't feel like I have the right to tell her who to date or who not to date. I don't want to be responsible for someone missing out on what could be a great relationship. If she is happy, I am happy.

But GOD do I want to send this guy a nasty text or two for thinking that his behavior is acceptable. I can't, though, because if I do it will definitely make it awkward for X to continue seeing him. I don't know that it will lead anywhere, but it isn't fair of me to ruin the possibility for her.

I guess I am also kind of sensitive on the matter because in high school, an ex-best friend stole the guy I was dating and they are now engaged. Getting married on Valentine's Day, as a matter of fact. Doesn't it make you want to vomit? X is nothing like this other girl and I have given her my blessing, but I am having a hard time resolving natural inclination to tell this guy to go fuck himself for behaving like a dick.

What the hell do I do? Nothing, I suppose. I guess I'll just avoid it if she wants to include him in outings/gatherings.

But my question is, by not responding to shitty behavior, are you really being the bigger, more mature person, or are you just being a doormat?

le sigh

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 02:08:13 GMT

Yet again, my laptop has a virus. This is the third time in about 18 months. I always use antivirus software, firewalls, etc., and try not to visit shady websites or open weird attachments. Yet somehow I ALWAYS get these damn things! WTF!

Why do stupid a-holes feel the need to create these things?

This means that I probably have to call my ex-boyfriend to come and fix it. I don't mind hanging with him but we've only been broken up since early October, so there's still some awkwardness. Plus, I feel bad for using him for his mad computer skillz. He did a good job of fixing it last time. The time before that, I had to restore the computer back to an earlier date where it wasn't infected and that worked. I may just try restoring it to yesterday and see what happens. Fortunately, I haven't written anything today so I won't lose anything.

I'm off to fight the good fight.

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:50:37 GMT

Does anyone have any suggestions for books I could get on tape to blunt the complete boredom of my commute? The morning is ok because I listen to Preston & Steve (not really a morning show person but they are hilarious and usually keep my attention). It's the afternoon/evening drive back that bores me to tears. There is never anything good on the radio because they're saving the good stuff for the 5 o'clock countdowns...and I'm leaving the schools around 3:30 so I'm home by 5.

Blahhhhh...

On Fieldwork

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 01:29:19 GMT

I've probably already mentioned that my fieldwork placement is anything but convenient. Now that I've found out specific details of where I will be, it's even more inconvenient. I'm in 4 schools, 3 elementary, 1 middle. Of course the school I am in the most (3x a week) is the furthest away. On paper it's only 30 miles, but in practice, the drive is about 75 minutes on a good day. I have yet to discover what a bad day is like, but I might tomorrow because there is supposed to be an ice storm. Maybe I'll luck out and school will be canceled or there will be a delayed opening.

Now, you might be saying, hey, that's not so bad. However, anyone who really knows me knows that I detest commuting. I think it's the devil and I pretty much refuse to work anywhere that is more than 40 minutes away from me. An hour is acceptable if it's accessible from public transportation. If it's any more than that, I'm not doing it, unless it's my dream job. Suffice to say, this is not my dream job.

It also turns out that the therapist I'm with 4 days a week is the less active of the 3 supervisors I have. She's basically a standard school OT and works on handwriting with every single kid. That's my nightmare. The OTs I am with on Monday are so much better; they get down on the floor with the kids, incorporate things like handwriting into creative activities, and just have more fun. Granted, they have a lot more space than my regular supervisor, but she still has a room of her own.

I guess it's early and I shouldn't really judge. I do think she is a good therapist; she's already proven to be very knowledgeable. I just got my hopes up with the other two ladies the first day and then today's very classic approach just felt like a bit of a letdown. I think what I'm trying to say is that I went from being with therapists who went above and beyond with their students to someone who does enough. I guess all that matters is that the kids meet their goals and progress.

Speaking of the kids, they have all been great so far. I do really like kids; it's definitely not them that make me not want to work in pediatrics. It's the nature of what an OT can do in a school. Since everything has to be education-related, sometimes you are limited to making sure Timmy puts the right spacing between his words or copies shapes correctly. That is important, but when a kid has 15 other problems that also need to be addressed and you can't do anything about them, it's frustrating. Watching kids struggle is hard for me, especially when they're so young.

I'm thinking that this placement will turn out to be one of mixed feelings. I'll enjoy working with the kids, but will have no love for the commute or the school-based structure. One never knows, though, and I'll try to keep an open mind.

And for the silver lining, I have to drive by Trader Joe's every day. It's so far away that I rarely go in spite of my love for their tzatziki sauce and dried pineapple (seriously, they have the best dried fruit because they don't add sugar to it - I also love the dried granny smith apples). I'll at least get to enjoy those delicacies for a couple of months. Oh, and I suppose it's good that gas isn't $4.00 a gallon anymore, so I can afford all this driving. Let's hope it stays that way.

NEW FIC-ONLY JOURNAL

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 05:13:43 GMT

To those who care, I've created a journal specifically for fic-related things. I sometimes feel strange posting all my fanfic geekiness here because not everyone who reads this journal is into fanfic. So, I'll now be transferring my level 18 dorkdom to:

http://fbs-fic.livejournal.com/

Click it. Friend it. Love it. <3